10 Rules of Socialising

When it comes to socialising and coping with social events and situations we generally fall into one of two categories:

• Those who thrive in unfamiliar situations and revel in the opportunities they bring.
• Those who would rather undergo dental root canal work without anaesthetic than be thrust into a room of strangers.

No matter which category you belong to, there are some general rules of socialising that should always be adhered to. This list is not exhaustive by any means, but it is a very good place to start. By following these simple guidelines you will be able to breeze through any social situation.

Right, without further a do we shall begin with the first lesson:

1. Smile 
This is not as stupid as it sounds. If you walk into a room of strangers and half the room smile at you whilst the other half scowl, it is pretty obvious which group you will gravitate towards.

A simple smile portrays you as someone who is happy and friendly and therefore someone people will want to know. I wouldn’t suggest that you stand with a forced grin on your face all evening as that will make people think you have escaped from the local asylum. Just a natural smile is all you need to show you are approachable.

2. Enjoy the company of others

People want to know fun people, those who enjoy being in the company of others. If you are amongst a group of people and you look miserable, you are not the one that will be drawn into a conversation.

Some people can only loosen up after a drink. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, so long as it isn’t taken to extremes. You won’t impress anyone trying to be Superman leaping from one table top to the next.

3. Dress for the occasion

Now, I am not suggesting for one moment you spend your evening phoning round friends to find out what they are wearing so you can wear the same. Being individual is good but if you stand out too much you will be less approachable. No one wants to do a Bridget Jones and end up wearing a Bunny girl outfit whilst the other guests are in day dresses and lounge suits.

4. Acknowledge random glances

No, you haven’t walked into a ‘How to flirt’ seminar, I’m not talking about a Brief Encounter moment when the violins start to play in the background as your eyes meet across a crowded room. What I am referring to is when you just happen to exchange glances with someone, male or female. Don’t look away, instead just smile or nod to acknowledge their existence – it could help as an ice breaker should you get the opportunity to speak with them later in the evening.

5. Initiate conversation

This is when you may be grateful for reading tip number 4. You are now in the position to chat with the person you exchanged eye contact with. Stuck for something to say? Perhaps they are wearing a beautiful scarf you could comment on. Ask them if they’d had a good journey to the event. Also, what is really important is that you don’t judge people by their appearance – just because someone may dress like a City businessman or woman doesn’t necessarily mean they are one.

Also, respect the other person’s space. There is nothing worse than enduring a conversation with a complete stranger who insists on standing so close to you that your noses are practically touching.

6. Listen

So simple it sounds stupid even mentioning it here, but it is something people often forget to do. People love to talk about themselves; it is normally their best subject. Listen to them and acknowledge what they say. Make sure you also switch off your mobile phone. There is nothing more irritating than someone breaking off a conversation because the person on the other end of the phone is obviously far more important than the person standing in front of them.

7. Converse, don’t rant

Think of something interesting to ask. Don’t settle for the old clichés like ‘what do you do for a living’, be creative. As the conversation begins to flow and you start to feel at ease you may feel brave enough to offer your opinions on whatever subject you are discussing. This is good and will lead to an enjoyable and stimulating exchange. But don’t get carried away and start criticising them for their views – you are not there to start an argument.

If the subject of your conversation is something that you are unsure about don’t pretend to be an expert, it will only lead to embarrassment. Ask questions, they will enjoy explaining it to you and you would have learnt something new.

8. Maintain eye contact

There is nothing worse than engaging in conversation with someone who is just grunting the odd acknowledgement whilst scanning the room for someone more interesting to talk to. If the conversation is truly diabolical change the subject or make your polite excuses and move on.

9. Use open body language

Look animated when you are talking, although not so much that you end up showering your conversation partner in champagne as you wildly toss your glass about. Similarly when you are listening nod, don’t fold your arms and certainly refrain from yawning!

10. Get out there and do stuff

I’m not talking about limboing under the bar, singing on tables or starting a Conga. By doing stuff I mean hobbies, reading, going to the theatre, that sort of thing. Not only will it give you something to talk about and therefore make you a more interesting person, but it may also provide you with opportunities to practice your socialising skills.

Now you don’t have to wait for your next drinks party invitation or work do to practice these skills. They can be used anywhere; the doctor’s surgery, dentist waiting room, on the train or bus, even in your local supermarket. The opportunities for honing your socialising skills are endless and the more you practice the easier they will become and it won’t be long before you are the person that everyone will want to talk to.